My Mask

As I get ready for another day of eery bad news I look at myself in the mirror in my quiet house as I put my mask on. I look at myself preparing to hold in more tears and not to let the mascara run. Even though all I feel like doing today is laying in bed all day curled up in a ball and crying and feeling sorry for myself whenever I want, I can't. I have a life, I have a son, and I have people who want me to be ok...I want to be ok. I hold back the tears as I put my mask on, my makeup. I know that with my make up on I can feel pretty, I can feel strong, and I can feel like a woman who has been through hard things. I am strong, I am pretty and I have been through hard things and I will endure more through my years. I'm young. I still have a lot in life to live through. I'm going to welcome these things with "arms wide open" because there isn't anything I can do to make things different.

I find it so much harder not to cry when I look at myself in the mirror and I can see in my own eyes what exactly I'm thinking. As I sit here and type this and wait for my distraction, my son, to wake up, I think. Sometimes thinking can be good, but for me I feel it's bad. It makes you think what you don't to believe is reality.

I love all of you who have given me support, and I thank you again. I WILL make it through this a better woman and mom. I have an amazing little boy that needs me to be strong through this but will be there when I need the extra hugs and kisses. He doesn't know it but he is my biggest supporter. He is the one that can make me smile without trying, he is the one who's hugs can really fix it. He is MINE. I have him, and for that I'm overly grateful!

Off to explore this new day and see what it brings for me!